i just unearthed an eleventh-grade essay about lincoln’s gettysburg address and second inaugural, hoping it would help me with the essay i have to write tonight about the second inaugural and reconstruction. but this one was for ap lang, all rhetorical analysis— not what i need.

but damn. it is better than everything i have written so far in college. it’s short and to the point. not too wordy. concise. it has a style, rhythm, and structure i admire. i don’t even recognize it as my own.

this didn’t help; it wasn’t reassuring. this is fucking depressing. it just strengthens the irrepressible thought i keep having, over and over: “you were better before, you were better before…”

why did i tumbl this again? i need to find my journal.